pindahan..

like everything in my life at the moment.. i'm moving

http://cottingleyfairy.blogspot.com/

...

Start over. yes, you probably say.. again?!

...

i'm having my period. period.

its like swallowing kryptonite juice

hhhh.. hhhh... hhhhh....

hhh...... hhhh..........

i'm loosing my breath.. can i go home

decision decision

i have to decide..

i realy dont know what i should do.
am i gonna win, or am i gonna loose..

hurry yan, the clock is ticking.

just me and myself

crazy thing i did yesterday.. but it felt alot like me again.

Buzz.. to G

Its Saturday, this afternoon I’m gonna see ika, for our Curhat Berdarah. This time, she need it, and I’m all ears. Its only 10 o’clock now, I still have time to lay around and daydream.
i’ve got long hours in front of the computer everyday of the week in the office, but every time I see my computer at home, I just couldn’t help it to turn it on. Even if, it’s just to listen to one single song. And play a little solitaire, accompanying me listening the songs. Well maybe since Rengge is playing the commando of the songs in our redaksi room. I cant really listen to my kinda songs. I’m currently listening to jem right now.
And her songs, kinda make me wanna write, but I don’t know what to write about.
I know I was supposed to write about whats going on in my office, coz obviously I cant take it by myself, I have to let it all out. But I’m to tired to talk about it. And its only fun talking about it with my co workers in the meeting room when the bos is out. Xixixixixi... you’ll see B, we’re gonna make you shocked.
So, here I am, in that blank spot again. God, can you make my life a little bit interesting. Coz I’m bored here...

loose ends

funny story my sister told me the other day. like me, she never had a boyfriend, and going trough highschool all by herself. there were guys come and go in her life, but no one particularly stays. even after highschool, during college, they still tries to contact her.
there's this one guy, they were never close during highschool, but confess that he's a fan since 1st grade. he would call her, just to talk, sez hi, how are you doing.. sporadically. once every 6 months, or whenever he wants to. sometimes he said that, i suddenly remember you, yesterday i was accidently seeing our highschool yearbook. or yesterday i met one of your friend, then i remember that today is your birthday. and all off his odd excuses, just to call her.
this is the point of the story goes. my sister's friend met him a few days ago. and he asked about her, how is she doing. spontaniously her friend told him that, she's great, and she's now pregnant for 2 month. the guy was shocked. he practically sit on the floor of citos, and take a deep breath.
this guy just lost two steps. just because he thought he was holding the weel, pending it till the time was right.
and the was a braver guy who is smiling and winning all this. and happilly married with her, waiting for their baby to be born.

there's nothing funny about this story huh?.. well, i'm smilling anyway..

...

i dont buy it..
no smart words would cover your stupidity.

lembang, 234 Juni 2006

By the time I recognize this moment
This moment will be gone
But I will bend the light pretending
That it somehow lingered on

And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will wait to find
If this will last forever
And I will wait to find
That it won't and it won't because it can't
It just can't
(It's not supposed to)

Clarity -John Mayer

Imogen Heap -Speak Your Self

Suatu hari saya jatuh cinta sama lagu Hide and Seek. Ternyata sekarang saya siap bersujud pada Miss. Imogen Heap.
Kalo punya uang, sumpah.. cari deh CD nya, kalo ngga cari aja bajakan nya dari temen. Worth it banget. Ga ada alesan untuk ga suka ama ini CD. Liriknya super duper muter muter bagus, melodinya penuh sekali, all in all, this girl experiment is a ”Uereka!”.
Semua tulisan nya bener-bener mengorek-ngorek tempat yang sebenernya susah di jelaskan, tapi dengan sukses, dia mainin kata dan susunan kalimat yang variatif. Yaoloh...
Belom lagi percobaan sound dan instrumennya yang haduh... i’m having fun with her. I feel her, I wanna be her.

...

pray.. just pray for us.

i hope its gonna be a good start.

short message symphony

chain reaction..
(lil.. do you read.. copy)

Ika : Bein jobless 4 months n had lost my granpa makes me realise, all d things we've been doin in our life, is not THAT important anyway. Evrything'll fade away, 1 day : ur job, ur money, ur life. Whats more IMPORTANT is 2 let poeople know how much u luv them. Bcoz when evrything fades, love is the only thing u can always carry in ur heart as the memory of them. so let me let u guys know, how much i love u n i'm blessed 2 have you all in my life! Thanx 4 stuckin w/ me.

Aya : Hey, mo kejadian apapun jg, tetep aja gw stuck sama loe pada, mulai mogok mbl,ngerjain tgs ma ta ampe jungkir blk, & skrg tetep aja ada kalian di hidup gw ;D jd hdp gw ada warnanya selalu, ga item putih aja hehehe, luv u guys ;P

Yana : Evry lil hello from u guys, is always a BIG treat 4 me, keeps me going trough d day. never late, always on time. not just ear, but with heart. in my tears, n in my laughs. not just hands, but with soul. girlfriends i love you all.

Flaw

Once, my friend told me that, when a guy is to perfect to be true, he must have a big flaw, so big to be true. I met someone, don’t get the wrong impression first, I don’t have any interest on him. It just that this guy is so flawless, you would start looking for flaws. Just to see that he’s human enough. I watched his moves everyday, and listened to little words from his mouth that came out so little about him.
You start to wonder, when a guy is this nice and sincere, why is he so.. apa ya.. tertutup.
When he came, everybody around me, was so impressed by him, his determind to learn. Willing to do everything that he could, with a smile, no matter how difficult the task was, a real big help for everybody. He’s.. in popular languages “Gaul”. But, on the contrary, he doesn’t smoke, or drink, and he prays 5 times a day. He certainly now how to dressed up, or dressed down, he wears label without screaming label all over him, mix and match, something hard to find in a guy. In one time chat with him, he told me that he play basketball and he was an MVP at his high school. And did I tell you that he now, working and studying law in an extension class at State University. To good to be true.
When I found out about the phenomenal mistake that he made in his past, my mind viciously came back to the sentences up there. I couldn’t believe it. Phenomenal, is the right word for it. But those flaws were the one that brought him to be the way he is now. A lifetime changing experience, atleast for me, I would never see him the same way again.

I salute you.

back to school

why do i feel like i'm in high school again..
everything that mather back then, mather now..
i'm i travelling back in time?

Save me -Jem

Save me save me save me wooh

I've gotta stop my mind
Working overtime
It's driving me insane
It will not let me live
Always so negative
It's become my enemy

Save me ah ah save me ah ah
Save me ah wooh
Save me ah ah save me ah ah
Save me ah wooh

Why would I think such things
Crazy thoughts have quick wings
Gaining momentum fast
One minute I am fine
The next I've lost my mind
To a fake fantasy
And none of these
Thoughts are real
So why is it that I feel
So cut up and so bad
I need to take control
Coz my mind is on a roll
And it isn't listening to me

Save me ah ah save me ah ah
Save me ah wooh (thinking and thinking)
Save me ah ah save me ah ah
Save me ah wooh (thinking and thinking)

Mirror mirror on the wall
Who's the dumbest of them all
Insecurities keep growing
Wasted energies are flowing
Anger, pain and sadness beckon
Panic sets in in a second
Be aware it's just your mind
And you can stop it anytime

Save me ah ah
save me ah ah
Save me ah wooh (thinking and thinking)
Save me ah ah save me ah ah
Save me ah wooh (thinking and thinking)
Ok so here we go
If it works I'll let you know
One two three I say stop

can i just cry

i can't believe it... he's doing it again. how could he do this.. to us. again and again and again. what did we ever do to you? what do you want us to do?..
Not again.. not to her, not to us.
we're exausted.. you cant just lay there.. and sleep.. and hope that tomorrow it'll go away.
face it.. not expecting everyone to clean up your mess.. be a man.. get up!
it's like you want us to go down with you.. just lay there... not solving anything.. waiting to die.

just a ride -jem

Life, it's ever so strange
It's so full of change
Think that you've worked it out
Then BANG
Right out of the blue
Something happens to you
To throw you off course
And then you
Breakdown
Yeah you breakdown
Well don't you breakdown
Listen to me

Because
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
No need to run, no need to hide
It'll take you round and round
Sometimes you're up
Sometimes you're down
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
Don't be scared
Don't hide your eyes
It may feel so real inside
But don't forget it's just a ride

Truth, we don't wanna hear
It's too much to take
Don't like to feel out of control
So we make our plans
Ten times a day
And when they don't go
Our way we
Breakdown
Yeah we breakdown
Well don't you breakdown
Listen to me

Because
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
No need to run, no need to hide
It'll take you round and round
Sometimes you're up
Sometimes you're down
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
Don't be scared
Don't hide your eyes
It may feel so real inside
But don't forget it's just a ride
Slowly, oh so very slowly
Except that
There's no getting off
So live it, just gotta go with it
Coz this ride's, never gonna stop

Breakdown
Don't you breakdown
No need to breakdown
No need at all
Because

It's just a ride, it's just a ride
No need to run, no need to hide
It'll take you all around
Sometimes you're up
Sometimes you're down
It's just a ride, it's just a ride
Don't be scared now
Dry your eyes
It may feel so real inside
But don't forget enjoy the ride

It’s one of those Saturday

The one I get up at 7 and and brush my teeth and faced my face, then 2 hours swimming across the street at Cilandak Sport Center. I don’t want to push my self to hard, cause I know I wont be able to walk the next morning. Then came the hot shower, this is the best part, I can feel it has loosen my tighten nerves. Closed my eyes for a few minutes. Then I’m ready to dressed up and go home..
I can already smell the buttery pancakes that my sister made for us from the garage. Two circle of chocolate sprinkles pancakes, with a cup of coffeemix, and a stack of Will and Grace DVD’s.. what a perfect brunch.
Then Manda called, wanna go somewhere?.. I didn’t feel like it. I am sleepy now.. I think I’ll spend my day leye leye… or If I’m in the mood, I’ll probably go creambath at the salon. Since I’m working tomorrow. She said.. oh okay, I’ll guess I’ll just hit the OC’s marathon today.. I said, okay have a nice couch potato day.
Then I went to my room.. push the power button on the radio, and lay there on my bed. With my stupid cat on the right side and my journal on the other side. And the radio played Sarah MacLachlan Angels. Then I fell asleep.

"Just Like Heaven"

baru nonton dvd just like heaven.. hehe telat bgt..
abis baru dapet yg bagus..
yah suw.. i like the opening song, actually it's an old song by The Cure
my brother play it all the time but i never really "listened" to it...
but in this Katie melua version felt deep.

"Just Like Heaven"

Show me how you do that trick
The one that makes me scream he said
The one that makes me laugh he said
And threw his arms around my neck
Show me how you do it
And I promise you
I promise that I'll run away with you
I'll run away with you

Spinning on that dizzy edge
I kissed his face and kissed his head
And dreamed of all the different ways
I had To make him glow
Why are you so far away?
he said Why won't you ever know that I'm in love with you
That I'm in love with you

You, soft and only
You,lost and lonely
You, strange as angels
Dancing in the deepest oceans
Twisting in the water
You're just like a dream
You're just like a dream

Daylight licked me into shape
I must have been asleep for days
And moving lips to breathe his name
I opened up my eyes
And found myself alone alone
Alone above a raging sea
That stole the only boy I loved
And drowned him deep inside of me
You, soft and only
You, lost and lonely
You, just like heaven

- Katie Melua (originally The Cure)

...

“ How do you expect your world would change Will? If you don’t change.”

- Sylvia (Will & Grace)

Mirror Mirror on the wall (or across the table)

Talk about light bulb moments. I couldn’t believe it, I didn’t think such thing could happened. Last weekend I met my reflection. She’s my mirror, and all this time she was so close, and coz we’re to much alike, we couldn’t even “talk”. She is my best friends best friend from high school.
We had the same trust problem, the tallest wall ever, insecurity, independent, hard to understand and expecting more understanding from people, she’s a Capricorn, and born in the same year, just three days before me, she had the same problem towards relationship, had a betrayal past at early age, hard to receive other peoples affectionate, the first person who acknowledge good thing about other but failed to acknowledge herself.
But the biggest shock is, she’s like my conscious, live version. Everything that came out of my mouth (mostly excuses) she can slap it back. Just like my heart with a speaker, and I can’t mute her. All the truth came out of her mouth, but it’s easier to receive coz she had the same problem.
The difference is, she made it. Bravo bravo! She’s breaking the wall, and had a taste of the other side. And she said it not easy yan.. you could cry all day even, but it’s possible. I’m still struggling she said, but its alot better than sitting there with ignorance. Cause being apathies is the easiest thing to do.

wide open space

what a mess..
i've been working in my office for a year.. and along the time i work alone. Of course with guidance from my managing director who's background is from design. And every month since last year, i asked for another designer. An art director if possible.
With all the loads of work and tight deadlines, i need help. It's been also brained damage me. Without a sparing partner, how will i know i was doing a good job. All i know is my creativity is not expanding, just plain dull.
So, my boss suddenly grant my wishes. when my new partner came to the office that morning, my boss made a little meeting, introducing him as the new graphic designer, and me as the art director. wait.. What?!
i never ask for this. i'm not ready for this. is he out of his mind. maybe he is.
God o God o God... how dare him! should u be ask for this kinda decision?.. i mean i have a right to say no, right? but i just go speachless..
i mean i cant just say i wont infront of the new guy.. it will ruin my credibility.
when i told this to 2 of my friends, as a panick responded. both say that it's a good news, that means somebody have faith in me that i'm capable.
but i never asked for this. atleast not now, not this time, when i am not sure of my ability.
for cryinoutloud i just worked for 2 year only, never with a guidance of an art director, i dont know an AD supposed to do.
my sister said,
what are you fussing about? i'm fussing about everything that came out from this company regarding artistic is now my responsibility.
who's responsibility is it before? me, but i made the designed
so, what's the different? its different.
kakak, you just have to see it in a wider scale, a bigger picture.

have i been living in my own glass ball, when its time for bigger opportunity i'm affraid that it'll ruin my space.

i'm a whatta...

hmmm, dari test di multiply-nya manda


My Personal Dna Report

You are a Cautious Artist.

About You
You are an Artist

Your appreciation of beauty, ability to think abstractly, and innovativeness make you an ARTIST.

Never one to be tied to a particular way of doing things, you let your imagination guide you in discovering different possibilities.

You would rather seek out new experiences than stick to your everyday habits, taking in as much of the world as possible.

Your eye for beauty and your willingness to consider different perspectives make your creative efforts interesting—even though you may not realize this yourself.

You prefer to think about things before voicing your opinion, considering a wide, diverse range of options.

While there are forms and styles that you prefer, you tend to keep an open mind when it comes to your artistic preferences.

You are curious about things, interested in the "why" more than the “how.”

You have an active imagination that leads you express yourself in a distinct way.

You're well-attuned to your emotional state, and not afraid to use your feelings to guide you. You tend to be cooperative, rarely contradicting others, and always considerate of their feelings.

You are a fashion maven, up on trends, but distinct in your own style. You don't follow trends, you set them.


If you want to be different:

Be more open to risks in your creative efforts, and don't be quick to dismiss the praise of others.

Think about how attention to detail may help you be more sure of yourself.


How You Relate to Others
You are Cautious

Being independent, practical, and somewhat guarded with others makes you CAUTIOUS.

You tend to keep to yourself, wary of trusting others with personal information.

The values that you hold are central to your identity—you are a very principled person.

You have respect for the natural order of things, and a good sense of right and wrong.

Investigating the world through observation, as opposed to interaction, is preferable to you.

You have an appreciation for those who have attained a certain level of accomplishment, particularly the rare few who have succeeded honestly.

You are efficient—when you work with others, you get down to business, and fulfill your obligations.

You sometimes wish that others would be more like you—less hindered by their emotions, more respectful, and more private.


If you want to be different:

Finding a few close others whom you can trust will allow you to express yourself more openly, and possibly to learn more about yourself.

monika

“ Kakak, the best things in life is always kept the deepest by Allah, like diamonds.” That’s what my sister told me when I asked here about her sudden decision, wearing a veil 5 years ago.
She closed her most precious gem, her hair and her body. Everybody knows, she had the most beautiful long hair in school. And she looked great wearing her white strapless mermaid bottom gown, that nite at her promnight. But she believed.

Yesterday I visited her house, not exactly what you called a house, but it’s her home now, after recently married on February 18th. I watched her as she and my mom, clean and organize the house.
My sister is one of my proud possession, we belong to each other. We’re best friend, we even spoke telepathically, haha.. we just spoke with our eyes. I was always proud of her, admire her, she’s actually the opposite of me. She’s calm, stick together, and manage to focus every time. She’s smart, gentle and alim (apa bhs inggrisnya). She always manage to be lovable in her calm ways in her society, without even trying. I should have known her presence does mean much, so many of her friends came at our little party yesterday (her wedding). And actually having fun on that day with her.

Many of them were surprised of how quickly she decided to get married, those who were the ones who doesn’t know, the struggle behind it. It wasn’t an easy journey for all of us, specially you Vin. I know it’s been an amazing race, from base to base, detour to detour, and this hasn’t stopped a bit yet.

But Alvin, this is the big point, she knows it, she believed in you. That’s why now, she is trying so hard to be as worth as your triumph, and believed me this has not been easy for her. Now that you’ve got the treasure, she’ll polished it, making it perfect. And trust me she’ll be a dazzling diamond, a classic cut but highlights the clarity of the diamond.

Love you both.

A Sorta Fairytale

on my way up north
up on the ventura
i pulled back the hood
and i was talking to you
and i knew then it would be
a life long thing
but i didn't know that we
we could break a silver lining

and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you

things you said that day
up on the 101
the girl had come undone
i tried to downplay it
with a bet about us
you said that-
you'd take it
as long as i could
i could not erase it

and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you

and i ride along side
and i rode along side
you then
and i rode along side
till you lost me there
in the open road
and i rode along side
till the honey spread
itself so thin
for me to break your bread
for me to take your word
i had to steal it

and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you

i could pick back up
whenever i feel

and i'm so sad
like a good book
i can't put this
day back
a sorta fairytale
with you
a sorta fairytale
with you

and i was ridin' by
ridin' along side
for a while till you lost me
and i was ridin' by
ridin' along till you lost me
till you lost
me in
the rear
view
you lost me
i said

way up north i took my day
all in all was a pretty nice
day and i put the hood
right back where
you could taste heaven
perfectly
feel out the summer breeze
didn't know when we'd be back
and i, i don't
didn't think
we'd end up like
like this

( by Tori Amos )

i'm post traumatic?!

yeah.. i know..
masa sih..
baru tau gara-gara chatting ama nurita (my friend since 5th grade, yg ngambil psikologi) kemaren. tadinya biasa ngebahas soal ga punya cowo.. akhirnya lama2 ngebahas soal kega-pede-an gw. sudahlah nur.. soal ini udah dibahas sabtu kemaren ama temen2 gw, udah abis di bombardir (luv you girls).

nur : knapa lo ga mau terbuka yan?
yan : i'm affraid of hurting
nur : emang lo pernah dilukain cowo?
yan : bukan cowo sih. siapa?
yan : yah waktu SD itu. I (inisial).
nur : oh.. segitu dalem ya? dalem bgt.
oh GOD yana.. you're post traumatic
gw kok ga nyadar sih.. dari dulu..
lo mesti gw terapi, di ruang gelap.
spend the hole day with you..
yan : separah itu...

room 3 basement

hahaha...

i had such fun the other day... finally my girls ika, aya, oelil, jefri and iqbal (yes my girls) came to my rescue. actually we all need to be saved. apparently karaoke did the best cure.
lalalalala...
love me, love me say that you love me, fool me, fool me, go on and fool me..
cant believe that i'm a fool again, i thought this love will never end, how was i to know, you never told me..
what can i do to make you love, what can i do to make you care...
i never really love you anyway...
i'm too sexy for body.. to sexy for my body. i'm a model you know what i mean...
and i can run, just as fast as i can.. to the middle of nowhere.. you're just like a pill, instead of makin' me better, you're makin ill...
nobody could've love me better, i must stick with u forever, nobody gonna take me higher i must stickwicu... you know how to appriciate me.. i must stickwichu my baby...
if she returns in time, i'll now she's mine.. heaven knows...

dan untuk iqbal.. yang selalu kuinginkan.. yg selalu kunanti.. kucoba untuk mengerti.. apalah arti mencinta.. cobalah untuk setia...

kita memang sudah mabok.. tanpa setetes alkohol pun.. guoblok.

it was so much fun guys... thank yuuuuh.. so much.. right on time.

Homerun!

Hmmm.. what’s this.. what should I do?.. should I just filled it, post it?
Okay barijoe, I’m catching the bat. I’m hitting the ball…
So here we go…

My 5 Weird Habits, let see… I used to think I have a lot of weird habits, but when it’s time to write it, I can’t remember even one.. Well take it slow..

Oh.. I know..

1. I hate fried onions (bawang goreng) . Ini mah semua juga tau.. dan ga terlalu aneh juga sih, soalnya makin gede, gw makin banyak ketemu orang2 pembenci bawang. Kalo si abang lupa, walau udah dikasih tau, tapi tetep ditaro juga, I would actually pick them one by one. Mungkin rekornya si mie goceng deket kantor, saking banyak dan kecil2, itu sampe seperempat jam misahin bawang doang… buang waktu ya? (oya aku benci bawang dan keluarga, daun bawang serta teman2nya, seledri juga)

2. My body reflects what I feel. My face turned red easily. My feet and hands are always cold. My sister called me frog skin, she said I don’t have any blood.

3. I always save the best part of the food. And ate it the last. Suapan terakir harus sempurna, kedua dari terakhir ga papa ga lengkap. Tapi yang terakhir… hmmm yuummm.

4. I make finger drawings while talking on the phone.

5. This last one is embarrassing, pernah denger saraf ga? Yeah.. kalo gw capek.. saraf gw keluar semua, kedip2 mata, mendongakkan kepala, dan yang paling sering strech my left arm slowly to the side. Huhuhu… untung dikantor ga ada yg merhatiin.. hihihi..

ga boleh nambah ya… pliz satu aja

6.I sneeze like a cat. Kalo bersin dikit bgt seperti ga jadi, tapi cuma bisa keluar segitu, mau gimana lagi.


Hehe… iya menyenangkan juga.. doyan ternyata malu-maluin diri sendiri, minta tamboh lagi. Sebenernya ada lagi.. tapi ya suw lah.. ku lempar deh ke manda, nadia, ika, ama anisha

Barely Breathing -Duncan Sheik -

I know what youre doing
I see it all too clear
I only taste the saline
When I kiss away your tears

You really had me going, wishing on a star
But the black holes that surround you
Are heavier by far

I believed in your confusion
You were so completely torn
Well it must have been that yesterday
Was the day that I was born

Theres not much to examine
Theres nothing left to hide
You really cant be serious
If you have to ask me why

I say good-bye...

Cause I am barely breathing
And I cant find the air
I dont know who Im kidding
Imagining you care, and I could stand here
Waiting a fool for another day
But I dont suppose its worth the price
Worth the price, the price that I would pay

Everyone keeps asking, whats it all about?
I used to be so certain and I cant figure out
What is this attraction? I only feel the pain
Theres nothing left to reason and only you to blame
Will it ever change?

But Im thinking it over anyway...

I've come to find, I may never know
Your changing mind, is it friend or foe?
I rise above or sink below
With every time you come and go
Please dont, you come and go

take a deep sigh

bingung.bingung.bingung.

honey.. what's this?.. who's that?.. what'r you doing?..

Upside Down

Who's to say
What's impossible
Well they forgot
This world keeps spinning
And with each new day
I can feel a change in everything
And as the surface breaks reflections fade
But in some ways they remain the same
And as my mind begins to spread its wings
There's no stopping curiosity

I want to turn the whole thing upside down
I'll find the things they say just can't be found
I'll share this love I find with everyone
We'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's songs
I don't want this feeling to go away

Who's to say
I can't do everything
Well I can try
And as I roll along I begin to find
Things aren't always just what they seem

I want to turn the whole thing upside
All finer things they say just can't be found
I'll share this love I find with everyone
We'll sing and dance to Mother Nature's songs
This world keeps spinning and there's no time to waste
Well it all keeps spinning spinning round and round and

Upside down
Who's to say what's impossible and can't be found
I don't want this feeling to go away

Please don't go away
Is this how it's supposed to be
Is this how it's supposed to be

(Jack Johnson)
*this guy is so cute

where i wanna be this valentine day

first post at 25

pemalas.. since when did i become so lazy. i'm lazy about everything. to lazy to think, to lazy to design, to lazy to pursue what i want. and to lazy to even wanting something. mungkin lagi quarter life crisis aja kali ya..
abis ulang tahun ama tahun baru kemaren garink bgt sih. dan entah kenapa i feel so gloomy, and this has been going on for 2 month or so.. maybe more.
sekarang lagi males ngerjain kerjaan design. apa berenti aja ya.. cari kerjaan yang biasa aja, abis sehari.. tapi ditempat yang nyenengin. keluar dari jakarta pastinya. kerja buat makan sama hidup sehari-hari aja. tapi actually living, living on my own.
although, pastinya i would miss my job right now. after all this is something i always wanted since.. i was in third grade. bahkan sangat ngotot untuk ngambil design. the problem is, i dont think i'm that innovative. suka ga puas ama kerjaan sendiri. do i actually fit here, ato it's just bcoz i want to be here. or this the only thing i know i'm capable of. (yeah atleast i did pas university with good grades and perfect 4 years, not even one single semester added)
i know good design.. but i don't think i could make good design. i just feel, i'm decorative. see.. that is so lame.